There's this boy. I met him during a game of Apples-to-Apples at a three-week writing camp at a prestigious liberal arts college in the summer of my junior year of high school. I enjoy layers of prepositional phrases. As the weeks rolled by, we talked, walked, he played his bass for me, I gave him a blow job in the woods by the college's recreational field, he fingered me on the lawn next to the college's observatory, etc.
I haven't seen him since, as he lives states and states away, but we talk on Facebook occasionally. I don't really know what impact I made on him but our mutual comments are consistently friendly and arguably flirtatious, as we pour in and out of relationships at home. I don't care to tell him what he means/meant/will mean to me, in fact, I would immediately prefer that he doesn't because I can't readily define it. I don't love him, I don't mind if I never see him again, but I'm attracted to his fleeting presence in my life. In following his colorful albums and various links, I found his blog just an hour ago. I didn't know he had one but since he always struck me as intelligent, creative, and thoughtful, I was interested to see what he had to say.
"Today more than ever we have to be political, we have declined into a state of self-interest that leads most of us to live our lives as if we were being constantly filmed. We no longer concern ourselves with social progress, but only with self-progress. A result of the triumphant capitalist mentality that has become so pervasive everywhere we turn. Capitalism, they say, is a beautiful thing. The only system that gives us an incentive to be innovative as opposed to lazy. The innovation comes from the assumption that we all want to make as much money as possible, or that we all want as much as possible. We are told this lie everyday. The truth is that corporations, not people, want to make as much money as possible and/or get as many resources as possible. The people have become mindless consumers that truly believe they have a mind of their own. The parallel between today’s people and the character Don Quijote from El ingenioso hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha by Cervantes is remarkable. Most people truly believe that they live in a democratic society, that the market is good, that the media is telling them the truth, and that consumerism is good. Don Quijote was one of few crazy characters in the story by Cervantes, but today we seem to have governments and constituents of Don Quijotes world wide. This time, however, Don Quijote does not imagine him or her self being a virtuous knight, but instead he or she “thinks” they are a rational person (perhaps from reading too much literature that so narrowly defines rationally, or just from watching too much TV)."
His thoughts aren't necessarily new, but they refreshing to me, and I know I am not as intelligent as I would be prefer to be. This may be a lack of ambition, natural aptitude, or interest in education on my part, or the result of too many nights smoking weed at college, it doesn't concern me hugely.
I really wish I could explain the following thought better, but I can't - the sexual connection I had with him years ago inexplicably makes me feel as if I should be able to possess what he says here. I understand it perfectly and appreciate it. I agree with it. And yet, I still enjoy consumerism, I don't want it but I enjoy it. I still feel as if I am doing right by enjoying it. I read the words "mindless consumer" and am OK with it.
And that makes me want to cry.
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