HAPPY [[NEW]] YEAR!

'one, one, one one' goes my date ticker. how binary.

this year i hope to:

get into a great journalism school

graduate from allegheny college

leave overkill and actv in good hands

work super hard on my journalism comp

eat food michael pollan would want me to

get a car

cook more

save money

love harder

clean my room more

If I had a baby right now, I'd name it Holiday.

A lot changes in a year. Circa this time in 2009, I would've killed to tote the label "intern" at something, anything. I would've been packing to go on a big Canadian adventure with a very different man than the one I see now. Graduate school and life beyond college would have been shimmering lights in the distance, figments of imagination, or maybe just figs. I was just getting into Dragon Age: Origins although I too-quickly suppressed indications that life of utter geekdom in my parents' basement would be fully satisfactory. I had high hopes for the newspaper, Overkill, a signed lease for an apartment with my best friends and some film project a cute, accident-prone guy kept talking about, something about the world turning into a porn.

I sit in bed. The sheets are adult blue plaid now and I don't know where my yummy eggs and coffee sheets are. Probably rolled up in the attic. I should be smarter, wiser or something like that but my GRE scores don't reflect any such thing so I'm taking them again, on a Wednesday this time. I'm gandering at paid internships in cities with taller buildings than the Corning Tower. I'm drooling at J-school programs that guarantee packaged futures for a price.

I'm looking forward to seeing Black Swan in theatres and I hope Anne Hathaway gets the part of Lois Lane in the upcoming Superman. I wish Joss Whedon would just do Wonder Woman, costs be damned, because if anyone else does it, it'll be like Catwoman. I no longer like how I look in purple lipstick. The two people I like the most at school, non-romantically, are suddenly engaged and there are rings and wedding magazines where there were just incense sticks and dinosaur piñatas. I've learned to clean my hair out of the shower drain.

I don't question that I still want to be a journalist, but I do wonder why. I've wondered at this motivation a lot lately, probably because graduate schools want to know too. I do love to write and I do want to help people. I don't mind a small salary. I do want to talk to new people every day. I'm good at some other things but they seem too self-serving. I do see ways to be creative and innovative and I see opportunities to lead. But as much as I want people to say, she's driven, career-oriented and well on her way, I also want people to say she's insane, unpredictable and we have no idea what she'll end up doing. Sometimes I want to reject a clear path and sometimes I have a craving for sushi.

Next Year Might Be A Hungry Year

I'm amidst applying to J-Schools. The application gods ask painfully broad questions like, how is journalism an integral part of U.S. democracy? I stumbled upon a screen writing application and one of the questions was like, OK --two people are in an elevator -- one's a Muslim, one's a Christian. The elevator breaks down. Write a two minute dialogue, GO! And I did that instead of working on my applications.

and we made bruschetta together on a sunday.

sign in, sign out

glasses slid down his nose, which was not crooked at all

as he wrote poetry instead of graduate school essays

blood mixed with jelly tears trickled down to the belly button area

nonsensical, because we don't need high fructose corn syrup

but we do need botanical gardens

It's thunderstormin'

Investigative Journalism

Video Production

Civil War Literature

Environmental Science

Advanced Workshop in Nonfiction

It's all quite interesting. Even the Civil War. Five classes plus the newspaper, Overkill, sorority, ACTV, Grounds for Change, a boyfriend and a kitty. Dyed my hair black for fall. I have some classmates who are getting married. I know one guy who has a baby. That's weird. My eyes hurt sometimes. My left eyelid has begun to droop (evident in this picture) and I think I might turn into a old woman with an asymmetrical face. That's okay, I think it makes my face more interesting, but I will certainly never be a news anchor now. They like their news anchors symmetrical on NBC. I really like the new journalism professor from the L.A. Times; she's inspiring. Maggie's teaching me to cook with olive oil. I eat cheesy puffs when I'm tired and drink coffee when I'm awake. Sometimes a cigarette. I feel fine, brother, I feel fine.

Daddy

As I grow into an excited adulthood full of responsibility and pressure, high hopes and potential, he grows out of his. As I speed up, he slows down. I always strove to match his fast pace. Now I feel like I zoomed past him too fast, and it feels like free falling.

My Second Poem from the Black Forest Writing Seminars

Girl Scout

She only came in December

which worked well for me

so I could spread her

on my winter toast

sprinkle her freckles on top

or drizzle her in my teacup

when my throat

caught an itch.

My little Thin Mint.

I was her best customer,

I bought one of every kind

except Tagalongs

because those were bad for my cholesterol

said my wife, but

she's in the freezer now

so, it doesn't matter.

Fourteen boxes and a flute of milk later,

although she played piccolo in band,

it became passé to market her wafers

or Dulce-de-Leche the grip of my hand.

I was her best customer

until seventh grade when she quit

to grind lamb at the Do-Si-Do dance.

Next winter my knuckles started to twitch.

At a waffle house in upstate New York

while declaring, I’ll have the potato skins

I realized she was the waitress

with the apricot bosom and shortbread hips.

She gave me a bear hug and

made a joke

about how all these years later

she was still taking my order.

katrina tulloch

Realize

Oh NO, in 2030, when people have themed parties like we have 60s, 70s, 80s themes-- they're going to do 2010s and everyone will dress up as hipsters and carry around Starbucks lattes and iPhones. AHH!

PS. I don't feel like telling Howard's story anymore. I'll just keep it in my back pocket for later, but is a good one.

Brink of Tears #1

I almost cried twice today, for two different reasons. I might be in need of a good cry, it's been a while, but today was just ridiculous.

This trip was almost perfect. I haven't lost anything. I made it to every class, saw magnificent places, met unbelievable people, and became brave. I engulfed myself in culture, food, beauty, and did things that would terrify a 16-year-old me. Until today, when I woke up too late, missed my train, missed my plane, and had to call Daddy for help like a fucking princess. I can't stand my idiocy sometimes.

In any case, I am currently typing this from a lovely little room in a quaint Frankfurt hotel. Life could be much, much worse. But desperately running around train stations today nearly pushed me over the edge. I didn't have seat reservations, so every time I would snag an empty seat, some German would come over and start waving their reservation in my face, speaking their schloshy foreign tongue. Of course they sound much angrier than they actually are, but after this happened six times, I ended up curled in a ball in the train corridor, atop my red polka dot luggage, while people buzzed back and forth, giving pitiful looks to The American Girl.

At the hotel though, I made a friend named Howard. His story is the feature presentation, which will come as soon as I can purchase more expensive internet. Excuz-moi.

My First Collage Poem

. . october . .

scuttling along the sidewalk

I first got my period

thinly disguised as watercress soup

hugely embarrassing

due to its high frequency

sollte de Spritze und Kontrollen verlangen

Mel was 45 years old

Father was looking directly into the camera

the high drama of my young life

It killed him.

It killed him

and I stirred the ice cubes with my finger

I think I’m anti-hammock

Send the product and the reasons

for the return

along with the original receipt

before the bird eggs hatch

in a salad of sticky freedom

I Am So Very Easily Inspired.

Here I am in a place that looks like this.

Eating food that looks like this and smells even better.

I can't help but be saturated with inspiration and imagination. The color, the cobblestones! The smells of buttery croissants wafting from the baikeries, unlike anything in the states! Tomorrow we must prepare an action scene from our second short story and a draft of our first poems. My work is imbued with sensory words, no doubt a result of Freiburg itself.

Tomorrow we are also reading nonsensical poems and I truly love these the most.

Lines like Jeffrey McDaniel's:
I was gonna defy gravity in her celestial body
but I had performance anxiety, so I wrote Baby

Jupiter in black Magic Marker in her forehead
and plummeted back into the bar.

...appeal to the illogical, childish, and stubborn poets like me. I can't stand long lines of structured, ornamental language. I can't slow down that much. I want short, sweet, punches of absurdity. Not even just playing on my five senses, but transcending any notions that I have of everyday life. I love this kind of art and I hope you'll like the poems I come up with soon.

Trick-or-Treating (A flash fiction by Katrina Tulloch)

Here's my first draft of a short story for the Black Forest Writing Seminars. It's brand new and I'll appreciate feedback!

Don’t pick one with a lot of mirrors. You’ll get caught. Mirrored ceilings? Don’t be stupid. Have some common sense. Pick a place with a bar that juts out, like this one. Or lots of tables and chairs. The busier, the better. And don’t think you’ll hit the jackpot on your first try. Even if you get the bag, people carry the most useless things. Especially Americans. Especially American women.
Like this one time, not kidding, it was a Coach bag (designer bags never disappoint) and a blonde teenager from Arkansas. She had every lip thing you could possibly buy. Lip gloss. Lip stick. Lip balm. Lip “venom,” I don’t even know what the fuck that is. Lip glaze. Lip liner. Then a map of Freiburg. These pink plastic sunglasses. And a separate case for her eyeglasses. Sometimes you’ll get a duo – those eyeglasses that go dark in the sunlight, so when you go inside, you look like a blind person. Dump them if they’re not your prescription. Pens, pencils, all chewed up on the ends. Those blotting rice papers by Neutrogena that suck the oil right out of the pores on your nose for €5.99. Old movie tickets. Coupons. Coins. A condom – no! Two condoms. I remember because one was chocolate-flavored and one was banana-flavored. I laughed when I thought she could have a banana split night if she wanted. Old pieces of Orbit gum melted into gooey pink blobs. Tweezers. Rarely literature, but sometimes. A phone full of useless contacts, remember to chuck the phone always! They can trace that shit; you don’t want to accidentally get the bag of some Italian heiress and have the mafia on your ass. But then there’s the wallet. And that’s why you want this job.

What was that about mirrored ceilings?
Her eyes were wide. Christ. This girl was a moron. The only reason I agreed to teach her my art is because she’s a struggling actress and I have a soft spot for struggling actress. Her biggest role was Fairy #5 in The Tempest. Mine was French Whore #2 in Les Miserables. Ensemble girls gotta stick together. Develop a knack for being a prop and that’s really all you need in this business.

Also-- you look like one of those neon frogs you’re not supposed to lick. Do you want to get caught? Don’t stand out. Wear beige. Wear gray. From now on, neutral colors. Now go sit down next to those kids that just walked in so you don’t stand out like a fucking jelly bean.

She nodded, grinned and hopped off the stool. As she wandered around the bar, I pulled one of the menus from a pile on the counter. Off she goes. They grow up so fast. I couldn’t believe she needed a lesson on clothing, it’s the most obvious thing in the world. But no, she insisted on looking like candy, down to the acid green nail polish. Like a little Junior Mint.
I ordered a coffee and a salad.

Junior approached the table next to an eccentric hipster couple. A huge Pakistani guy, about 6’8,” sat across from a scrawny Japanese girl talking in fast French. Young and distracted. An excellent choice. Junior Mint seated herself behind Yoshi. Damn, in full sight of Muhummed. A liability, perhaps, if she got caught. But his electric blue skinny jeans would slow him down if there was a chase. Kids these days wear the dumbest things.
I saw the prize. A bulging, denim shoulder bag covered in Domo and Hello Kitty iron-ons sat under Sushi’s chair. Not bad. I sipped my coffee.
One minute in, Junior made her first mistake. The leg of her chair blocked the purse’s strap. She knew it. She lifted her chair up far too loudly and Konichi-wa turned around. I froze. That’s when the waitress got in my face with the salad.
Praust tu noch atwas?
Nein.
Some more dressing?
Nein.
Okay, just let me know if you need anything. I’ll be right over there, she pointed.
Her nametag read “Felicity.”
Great, I nodded vigorously.
My view was restored. Finally. The couple was talking again. Wait. Where was my fork? Goddamn. I never forgot the utensils when I was a waitress. Not once. I was a damn good waitress. Until the end anyway, but everyone has to start somewhere. And this is a much more profitable career.
After a useless glare at Felicity’s back, I returned my gaze across the bar. Junior stiffly gazed out the window while trying to edge her chair closer and closer to the bag.
What the hell was she doing? Don’t just sit there and stare off into space. Order something! I tried to motion to her with my coffee. She didn’t notice. Oh my god, she’s actually going for it right now. She hasn’t been sitting for three minutes. This is ridiculous. I released the handle on the coffee cup. It shattered. Pakistan looked up at me. Junior jumped and shot a look my way. Felicity sighed.

Café Bathroom
OK. First thing’s first. You gotta calm down and wait. You’re in full view of Aladdin out there so don’t use your arms or hands at all. No bending over. Tying your shoe is a dead giveaway. It’s all in the feet. The strap is lying out there in the middle so sit on the edge of your chair and feel around with your heel. Keep your chair close to hers. Don’t get the strap stuck on the chair leg again either. Pay attention to the details. If you make eye contact with me, I can let you know when you’re close. Take your time or Harold and Kumar will start to notice you. Got it? And make it look like you’re waiting for someone -- order a cappuccino or something, you’re an actress for chrissakes. Now go.

This girl had a lot to learn. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. Stringy bangs stuck to my forehead. I had no reason to sweat, but steals are always nerve-wracking. The first time I took money out of the Applebees cash register was the sweatiest I had ever been.
I had it planned all night long, the day after we got robbed. Those guys got away with over €500. They were good too, swooping in glamorously in their plastic, dime store Sarah Palin masks. I was agog. It just made sense. They haven’t been caught since.
All the restaurant’s finances were messed up, so the timing was right. I won Waitress of the Month so they trusted me with closing up. Only a little bit at first, ten bucks here, twenty bucks there. I logged the register on my closing nights, so only on nights I didn’t work did they discover missing cash.
First Juan got fired. Then Alexander. Then Christina, which was a shame because I actually liked her. She snuck ice cream with me twice a week. But, I mean, girl’s gotta eat. I left the restaurant after a couple months and dyed my hair red.

The first time I stole a wallet was in Starbucks. I had an awful day, it was over 100 degrees out and I got two bills I couldn’t pay for in the mail that morning. Standing at the back of the line for a small green tea (the cheapest thing on the menu), a guy tried to charge through the line and knocked me almost clean off my feet.
Lo siento! An exchange student. He dashed out, his iced coffee sloshing everywhere.
A brown wallet had fallen out of his bag in the mad rush.
No one saw.
When I got to the counter, I ordered a Venti Cookies & Cream Frappuccino with whip and two of those jumbo corporate muffins. It was €9.39. His passport read Luis Barcia-Varno, 27, Cuba. He was loaded.
I washed my hands.
When I came back out, Junior’s chair was empty. The Domo Hello Kitty bag was gone too, but no one had noticed. They started laughing at something. Sashimi had a high-pitched laugh, the way anime characters do. Prince Ali was booming.

Strauss St.
Junior fidgeted by the yellow post box outside. The denim purse was positioned on the ground between her feet.
Did they see me? Are they coming?
No. You did good. Let’s go.
Like a kid on Halloween, Junior ripped open the bag.
What did you get? I felt like a mother.
Junior’s brown eyes sparkled as she peered down and pulled out a pink iPod.
I’ve always wanted one of these!

My Obsession on the Way to Freiburg, G

Germany in two days!!!

HERE is the map of Uni Freiburg's main campus, where I'll be taking writing workshops and staying in Germany (click).

Check out those departments! Institute of hydrology, Medieval archeology, Slavic languages and meteorology, all on just the main campus! I feel like my little bubble of Allegheny College has severely skewed my idea of what higher education can be.

I am so fucking excited.

Also, up there in Platz de Universitat III, there's a Cafe Senkrecht, which according to Google Translate means "Cafe Perpendicular." It probably actually translates to Southside Cafe or Down Cafe, but I am calling it Cafe Perpendicular and that's that.

Wheeee new country! Wheeeeee learning, exploring!