Art and Confessions

I really do love to paint. It's one of those things where I'll be on my death bed and instead of happy, educated children or # of charity organizations to which I regularly donated, I'll be like, how many paintings did I do?! I need to calculate my success!! Actually, I have a real list of things to do before I die - none of which are important to the progression of society but literally to check off on my death bed (I have this death bed visual) or else I'll flip out about lost opportunities and induce my own heart attack.

A simple sampling:

#58 Open an independent business, preferably a cafe or bakery
#22 Sell a piece of my own art
#3 Make homemade cheese and give to a friend

Anyway, art means a lot to me, even though I really have no talent with it. I can't do cool effects or realistic portraits, but I have a pretty steady hand, so I like to think that makes up for everything else. And last year, when I joined my sorority, I got a cool position as the Junior Panhellenic Delegate. This was only a few weeks after I became a pledge so it was this whole big deal for me, my first leadership position in college. And that night I went back to my dorm all bouncy and inspired and spent hours painting a plaque, of sorts, for myself, because yes, I am that solipsistic.

Hah, you can see Delta Delta Delta didn't even exist at our college yet, I had to add them in as a cornerstone afterthought. Cornerstone Afterthought would be a great name for my future kid.

I meant to pass this down to the next Junior Panhel Delegate with a piece of chocolate, because I really want the girl who gets the first position in her pledge class every year to feel as proud of herself as I did. Like a cute little motivational token. I'm just having some trouble letting go of it. The current JPD is Emily Benner. I'll give it to her...soon.

#22 on my list of things to do before I die will so never happen.

It's like...painting something, no matter what it is, is such a romantic, intimate thing for me. It's just me, no makeup or attempts at interesting conversation, sitting in my room or wherever, with music playing. Spending hours with only canvas and paint and water. That's really romantic. Not for myself. I sound like I'm in love with myself haha. It's just mean, it's something very private and happy and lonely but in a great way. So that's why it's so hard to give up the products of experiences like that, which I think are so rare to have at all.

Selfish painter, reporting for duty.